You remember this song:

Until a while ago, I never used to like to miss a dialysis session. I would go for at least six nights a week and at one point actually started dialyzing every day. Seven days a week. No break whatsoever. At that time, I was mostly starting on my own and Jayaram would close. On Sundays, when Jayaram did not come, I would do everything on my own. Of late, however, I have been waiting for Jayaram to come and start. I had a couple of scary incidents and so got a little wary of starting.

Honestly, for the past few months I have become a little tired of dialyzing every night. The whole rigmarole of priming the dialyzer and the lines and then starting on your own and then being all alone while dialyzing has got to me. Also, I sleep about 70-80% as well on dialysis than off dialysis. The most important factor, however, is my fluid intake. Believe it or not (and swear you are not going to tell my nephrologist) I used to put on 3-4 kgs of fluid weight every day.Even people with healthy kidneys don't drink that much! But I had a major mental problem.

Recently, my fluid weight gain has dropped to an average of 2.5 kgs per day. I know, that is also quite a lot. But it is at least better than before and headed in the right direction. Not that I am making any conscious effort or that I am unduly worried!

The thing with this is now I can afford to miss a session, especially on Sundays, since my weight gain does not warrant one. So that obviates the need for me to do everything on my own. And I get a full night's sweet, deep sleep.

Have you ever thought, how, when a surgeon opens up a patient on the operating table, (mostly!) he finds everything in the right place? The kidneys are where they are supposed to be, the portal vein is where he expects it to be. If he wants to take a jab at the liver, he will know exactly which area he has to look in.

All this, despite not having opened that patient ever before. Well, he probably would have seen scans but heck, those too are mostly on expected lines!

How is every human so alike? Well, externally humans are very different but inside the body, physically, everything is so similar! Normal spleens are about the same size, shape and texture. Everyone has bean shaped kidneys. Almost everyone has two.

Medical science is entirely based on the fact that humans will have mostly very similar insides which will behave very similarly under similar circumstances.

I often wonder, with amazement, how experienced surgeons know their way inside a human body; how skillfully they stitch together veins and arteries from one place into another; how, during a transplant, everything works with clock-like precision. Put the kidney there and connect up all the veins and arteries and within a jiffy you see urine being produced! And all this, despite the surgeon not ever having seen the insides of that patient before!

I find all this totally incredible!



All thanks to the genome! The genome for a species dictates all this, I guess. Everything is encoded in those tiny little structures! Isn't it amazing that those sequences of alphabets should dictate such complex structures, such complex chemical reactions that are happening every second inside our bodies, we being blissfully unaware all the time!

I know you might think I am growing a little crazy here but stop and think for a moment of how all this magically happens and you will be amazed!

Medicine is not an exact science. A lot of it is subjective. Doctors have to rely a lot on their experience and the results they have had with other patients. Lab test results rarely tell the entire story. It is not a set of mathematical equations that they can follow to get the desired results.

We often blame doctors for missed diagnoses. "Why didn't they detect this earlier?"

It is easy for us to say this in hindsight. But at the time of diagnoses, a multitude of factors go into making a decision. It is not at all easy for doctors. They have to strike a fine balance between making a diagnosis based on the available facts and prescribing too many tests that may help in arriving at a better, more informed decision.

Another major problem is the number of patients doctors in India see. Most doctors that I go to are so busy that I have to often wait for a long time to get to see the doctor. And after all the wait, you get very little time with them. With all this, how much time would they have to read up or research on your particular case?

I have realized these problems and changed my attitude towards doctors. Even though an important diagnosis was missed in my case as well.

I was introduced to the persona of the Panyasji maharaj by my grandmother, Sarojben, who was an ardent devotee. I was thoroughly impressed by his unflinching loyalty to the agams(the Jain religious scriptures). He strongly believed that they were the ultimate truth and followed the tenets to the letter.

While many fellow sadhus today have given in to using modern amenities, few sadhus and sadhvis like him strictly followed the stringent rules of the Jain monastic order. Till the very end, he did not use vehicles or electricity and lived a frugal life.

He was one of the three famous disciples of one of the greatest stars to ever shine in the Jain firmament, Param Pujya Acharya Bhagvant Shrimadvijay Premsuri Maharaj. The other two disciples who passed away a few years back are Param Pujya Acharya Bhagwant Ramsuri Maharaj and Param Pujya Panyas Bhuvanbhanuvijayji Maharaj. These are all what my grandmother calls, "Chotha aara ni vangi" - basically people who actually belong to previous, purer eons but somehow have been born in this age! Very true indeed!

Chandrashekharvijayjiwill be remembered most for the three Tapovans he set up. The Tapovans are schools that teach a blend of modern and religious curriculums. The students are true all-rounders and are  encouraged to imbibe values of strong loyalty to the nation, purity of thought and action and care for the environment and the less privileged. His focus was entirely on the younger generation who he believed must be moulded in the right manner to build a stronger, more ethical nation.

His monthly, 'Muktidoot', was a phenomenal success with thousands of Jains (including I) totally hooked to it. His style of writing and complete dedication to the agamsmade many Jains swear by his word. His life, like many others before him, was not devoid of controversy. The controversies could not tarnish his image however and till the very end he was highly regarded by all Jain sects.

I had the good fortune of obtaining his darshan twice, both times, coincidentally at the Sabarmati Tapovan.

With his passing, Jains all over have lost the beacon of light, the torchbearer of the sangh and the voice of the agams forever.